Raunchy Ranch



You’ve been invited to a dinner party at your current crushes place. A few close friends, a bit of wine…should be easy, right?

NO! Everyone else is paired up, except you AND her! This is your chance to show her what life would be like with you as a partner. It is recommended you bring a gift for the hostess, and I recommend…this amazing ranch dip/dressing. Its both! It’s versatile! It’s stupid easy! But more importantly, if shes the kind of gal who throws dinner parties, shes likely the type how would be impressed with someone making such a fresh and light take on whats normally a staple at the veggie tray.


1 clove of Garlic (seriously…JUST ONE! This gets super garlicy very easily)
Salt To Taste
1/4 cup Italian Flat-leaf Parsley
2 Tablespoons Fresh Chives (or green onions, use what you’ve got I say!)
1 cup Mayonnaise (not miracle whip! I cannot stress this enough!)
1/2 cup Sour Cream
Buttermilk (or milk, again, use what you’ve got, just enough to give it the consistency you want)
1 dash Worcestershire Sauce
Fresh Dill (this is optional, so to taste)
A good squirt of sriracha (the rooster sauce!)



Mince the garlic with a knife and then sprinkle about an 1/8 to ¼ teaspoons of salt on it and mash it into a paste with a fork. Chop the parsley, chives and any of the optional herbs very finely and add to the garlic.

In a bowl combine all ingredients, adding other ingredients, tasting frequently and adjusting seasonings as needed. Chill for a couple of hours before serving, thin with milk or buttermilk if desired.

This is a very flexible recipe. It can be adapted to your own tastes, and, since you will be impressing the socks off your dream gal with it, it’s sure to become a staple in your co-hosted dinner parties in the future. Because your kind of lame like that. And thats O-K!


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